I had a page ready for Barbra when she said that she didn't want me to put it on. The paintings she had done represented an old style and she needed to change, but didn't know how. Knowing that we all go through transitions from time to time, I asked her if she would write what was going on and could I share it with others on this page. The following is our e-mail writings. We look forward to seeing her new work.

Wayne

From: Barbara Kinghorn [mailto:babsinspain@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, January 21, 2008 9:29 AM
To: Wayne Newman
Subject: Painting problem

Hi Wayne Hope you get it this way - I couldn't send to the website it wouldn't let me. Best Wishes
 
I feel like I’m caught in the middle of the Red Sea - I can’t go back and I’m not at all sure how to go forward. My dilemma is that I’ve been painting flowers for the last twenty-five years from still-life and photographs and I just can’t go on doing it even though I really enjoyed the work at the time and they sold well enough.
So let me try and come to grips with the way I’ve been feeling for the last couple of years. In 2003, when I first came to Spain, I painted like a mad thing - lilies, poppies, sunflowers, blossoms, roses, pansies, petunias, daisies - great big paintings mainly in acrylics and pastels. I’d get up every morning and put on my old painting clothes and be at it all day. I was obsessed and could think of nothing else but pointing flowers. I was also very happy!
Eventually there were enough pictures to put on an exhibition which I duly did in 2004 calling it “Las Flores”. The best thing about the exhibition was that it brought all the old Spanish ladies into aa art gallery, probably for the first time. They, too, are passionate about flowers and it was wonderful to talk to them about the different varieties and see the very real pleasure they got from viewing them.
When the exhibition closed I decided to give myself a break from painting and so turned my attention to doing other things. Thus more than three years have passed and still I feel unable to get down to any ‘serious’ painting. It’s not that I feel that Art is necessarily about ‘saying something and I don’t feel I’ve got ‘anything to say‘, it’s more that I feel I can’t paint anymore - I feel almost paralysed as though I’ve lost any talent I ever had, and what’s worse, any sense of commitment to an art form that I once practised all day. every day,
I’ve recently done a course in Vedic Art which is about painting from the inside rather than trying to re-create images from the outside and I found it most enlightening. I discovered, for instance, that I had never felt free to just ‘play with paint’. Even as a child I was expected to do things ‘properly’, to not ‘waste’ paper or time in ‘messing about’. And so it is as an adult that I feel I must ‘make a painting’ and if I can’t make something which I think is good enough then somehow I‘ve ‘failed’.
I think I’m writing all this in the hope that admitting to myself that I’m suffering from ‘painting paralysis’ will somehow bring these fears to the surface and allow me to face them full on and then move on.
Because the truth is I DO WANT TO PAINT - I WANT TO BRING SOMETHING OUT FROM DEEP INSIDE ME AND COMMUNICATE IT THROUGH THIS WONDERFUL ART FORM AND I HOPE THIS WILL HELP ME DO IT!
 

From: wnewman@onsetbusiness.com
To: babsinspain@hotmail.com
Subject: re - your letter
Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2008 10:37:44 +0100

Thank you for your letter

 

At first I didn't know how you got your hand writing into a computer. I tried scanning it and putting it into my picture editing program.Then, just now, as I was sitting down to reply to your writing, I realized how easy it is to be blind to the obvious. You couldn't have it in an e-mail if it were not in machine form. So I out it in my word processing program and, by golly, it was in Lucida Handwriting. In all 45 years of my work with computers had I ever used a font to make my writing look like hand writing. Shows you what you can learn from a novice computer person but a good artist.

 

This is really my reply to you letter; for it is never to late to learn something new. It's just harder since we have formed most of our personality. It can be quite humiliating when, as and adult, you see a first grader running circles around you. I remember little kids skiing backwards laughing at me when I was learning to ski at 45, children in the street in Cómpeta looking at with wide questioning eyes when I tried to speak to them as I am learning Spanish at 65, how I now feel as I try to learn how to write in my native English at 67 and still can't spell "maintanance". But the hardest to learn, I think, is to do something from the "heart, soul, gut" when we've learned to do things "properly" with our minds all our lives. CompetaArt is an one of my attempts to change. I can feel it when I start doing work on the pages from my mind rather than my heart.

 

I paid my dues when, when after several years of my first marriage my world crumbled. Through much therapy and introspection, I came out my own person. For better or worse, I accepted responsibility for my actions. Then came the hard part, learning to change. I would never give up the adventures in life I've had since then. Learning to play, to travel without reservations or a plan, learning to live sometimes day by day, sometimes adventure by adventure, and sometimes with commitments, became my lifestyle.

 

One of my of my adventures was with physic experiences. I learned a lot and soon realized I had potential as does everyone. I developed my physic skills somewhat and enjoy the images that form in my meditations. The other day, before I read your letter, I thought of you and smiled as I saw you throwing paint at some old canvases. The next day came the picture of you painting flowers of people. I didn't put it together until I read your letter. I have two ideas for you to try to shake off the old constraints. First, get some old canvases; paint over by throwing paint at them and then see what flower you can create from the mess. Second, take a picture from the web page and pain the flower you think represents them the best. I'll send you a picture of me if you want t start there. I'd love to see what flower you think I am.

 

One last observation. I have seen several people from England with the same problem. I have seen many people who love music, enjoy singing especially, but can not sing a note without the written music in front of them. I love to sing spontaneously and was so frustrated they couldn't sing from their hearts without their sheet music; even when they sang soul music. Maybe your block stems from there and now that you're in Spain, you can let it go.

Wayne

Hi Wayne - thanks for your thoughts - I'll keep you posted. Best Wishes Barbara

From: wnewman@onsetbusiness.com
To: babsinspain@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: re - your letter - see?
Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2008 16:07:18 +0100

See what I mean about my spelling? I meant PSYCHIC not PHYSIC. Don't laugh too hard

Wayne

Hi Wayne, Well, the first Vedic art picture has appeared. I was laying on colour and feeling utterly despondent - " I don't know what I'm doing, oh this is such a waste of time etc etc etc when suddenly a West Indian Carnival woman emerged or shall I say sprang out of the canvas in bright red and gold costume with a wonderful turban on her head with feathers and a huge smile - I was quite astonished - I thinkI'll call her Ahora! All the Best B

From: wnewman@onsetbusiness.com
To: babsinspain@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: re - your letter - see?
Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:24:13 +0100

Beautiful, when do I get a chance to see her? 

Do you know a painter in Cómpeta named Crista Hillekamp?On her web site, she writes about herself

Whilst living here, I have wanted to express myself freely, independently from any theme, to paint exactly what I feel. One of my aims on this course is to help the students/pupils achieve just that. Not to concentrate on creating an "art work” but to allow free individual expression throughout the creative process. I also want the students/pupils to share a little part of the fun I feel while painting and creating.
Finally, I would like to add that I have always been fascinated with the techniques involved in creating murals. e.g. marbling, trompe d’oeil etc.
www.artworkshop.eu

Thought she might be interesting for you

Wayne

Hi Wayne, Funnily enough a friend just mentioned yesterday at lunch that she was thinking of doing a course with Crista - I'll look into it. Best Wishes ba.

My last note on this subject: I talked with Barbra yesterday, the 12th, and she told me she has been painting like crazy. She has also doing film work projects. She's back into it again. We can expect to see some of her new works shortly and plans on exhibiting in the Walkabout.

Wayne

This web is being developed for individual artists in Cómpeta (Malaga) Spain.

by Wayne Newman Cómpeta  (Málaga)   España     E-mail